when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
