Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
