Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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