once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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