if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
