My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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