can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When are your genitals available?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
