Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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