Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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