Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
