once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
