I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
