just survived the first fart of the relationship.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
