Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
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You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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