Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
