Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
