Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
