Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
