You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
