I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
