i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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