I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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