Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
