I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
