Michael Bay diarrhea
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
