your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
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It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
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You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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