i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So squirting runs in the family.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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