Cold hands, warm shart.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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