end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
