I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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