No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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