I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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