Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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