How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
