a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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