At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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