Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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