My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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