My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
