i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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