3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
