i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
