we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I wish there were birth control emojis
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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