you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I want her autograph on my taint
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
