I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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