I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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