So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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