I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
