there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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