Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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