Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
