He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
