i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
