Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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