Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
