I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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