So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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