I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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