Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
