The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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