Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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