there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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