my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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