I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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