Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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