I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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